


Neptune

by flightlesscrow



Series: Haikyuu!! Drabbles [13]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Heavy Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 20:25:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10316267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightlesscrow/pseuds/flightlesscrow
Summary: What do you do when your best friend, whom you love like your own family, says they have romantic feelings for you?





	

The storm raged outside as Iwaizumi and Oikawa stayed sheltered inside the latter’s apartment. Iwaizumi looked strangely happy about being stuck there, though Oikawa hadn’t a clue as to why. He was personally dreading it. 

Not because he didn’t like Iwaizumi, no, that wasn’t the case and never would be. It was because he was confused, is all. 

He knew Iwaizumi liked him a little more than even best friends should, yet he couldn’t bring himself to ever bring the topic up. He only knew because Hanamaki couldn’t keep quiet about it, and he overhead Hanamaki tell Matsukawa. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he heard his name and got curious. 

Iwaizumi didn’t know that Oikawa knew about his crush. Oikawa was glad for that. But it also made Oikawa feel upset. He almost wishes Iwaizumi knew, so they could talk about it instead of Oikawa acting oddly distant and feeling uncomfortable around the one person he was never supposed to feel that way around. 

He didn’t know how he felt towards Iwaizumi. He loved him, he knew that much, but he wasn’t sure if it was a romantic or platonic kind of love. For reasons unbeknownst to him, thinking about his best friend in a romantic sense felt wrong. 

He’s known Iwaizumi since they were kids. Iwaizumi’s always been there for him, and they were closer than even twins were. It felt natural to think about him in a familial sense. Or at least, it used to. 

Now everything was confusing him. He couldn’t possibly try to talk to Iwaizumi about it to clear up all the confusion, but he had no one else to turn to about it.

He felt that he was coming apart at the seams, unravelling one thread at a time. It was frustrating. 

“Hey, Tooru?” Iwaizumi asked. “You okay?”    
  
“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me,” Oikawa replied. He realized he was still standing by the door in his wet jacket. He shrugged off his jacket and hung it up before going to sit in the living room. 

Iwaizumi walked out of the kitchen with two mugs of coffee, handing one to Oikawa. 

“Are you sure?” He said as he sat next to Oikawa, closer than usual, Oikawa noted. “You know you can talk to me about anything.”

“Yeah, I know, but I’m okay. Thanks, by the way.” Oikawa took a sip of the coffee and smiled. Maybe he could figure it out on his own. Maybe he could learn to get used to this. He could even learn to love, he thought. 

“That’s good, then. I’m glad. And you’re welcome.” 

They sat in silence for a while. Oikawa was getting restless sitting like that, so he turned on the television and handed the remote to Iwaizumi, telling him to turn on anything he wanted. 

Iwaizumi smiled and took the remote, turning on a random action movie that was on a passing channel. Only half-interested, Oikawa sat back and watched the movie. 

Iwaizumi seemed to be distracted by something as well. Oikawa could tell that he wasn’t watching the movie, not really. 

“Oikawa?”   
  
“Hm?” 

“Have you ever been in love?” Iwaizumi asked, glancing at Oikawa. 

“No, I don’t think so, anyways,” Oikawa answered. “Why?”   
  
“Hmm, no reason.” Iwaizumi said. 

"Okay.”

They said in silence for a while longer, the only sounds being the roar of thunder outside and the explosions from the movie on the screen. 

“What would you do if someone confessed their love to you?”   
  
“Oh, uh… It’d depend on the person, I guess,” Oikawa said. He had a feeling as to where Iwaizumi was going with this, but he didn’t want to say anything in case he was wrong.

“What would you do if I told you I love you?” Iwaizumi asked, turning off the TV and giving his full attention to Oikawa.

Oikawa, despite already knowing, was shocked by Iwaizumi’s words. 

“Oh, uh…” Oikawa stumbled, frantically searching for the words. His ink had run out, he thought; for he could not think of anything to say. 

“It’s okay if you don’t know what to say, I just wanted to tell you.” Iwaizumi smiled. He looked like he had no cares in the world. Oikawa hated himself for what he was about to do, but he couldn’t lead him on, it’d be wrong to do so.

“I’m… sorry. I’m so sorry.”   
  
“What?” 

“I wanna love you… but I don’t know how. At least, not in the way you want me to. I’m sorry.” Oikawa hung his head. He couldn’t bear to look Iwaizumi in the face after turning him down. 

“Oh. I see,” Iwaizumi said quietly. He rose to his feet. “I’ll take my leave, then.”   


“Iwaizumi, wait!” Thunder cracked on Oikawa’s last word, and Iwaizumi did not hear him. Frantically, Oikawa reached out to grab Iwaizumi’s wrist and stop him from leaving, but it was too late by that point. Iwaizumi had already reached the door.

“Iwaizumi!” Oikawa yelled as Iwaizumi turned the doorknob and stepped out into the storm. A brilliant flash of lightning struck. Watching Iwaizumi’s silhouette walk away from him was tragically beautiful, and he could do nothing to prevent it.

“What have I done…” Oikawa whispered to himself, as another crack of thunder shook the building. Another crack of lightning flooded the apartment in a bright light. But it wasn’t the light that blurred Oikawa’s vision. Rather, it was the steady stream of tears.

 

* * *

 

Things between Oikawa and Iwaizumi had been tense for the next few weeks. They refused to talk to each other, and it was taking it’s toll on their team. 

In that time, Oikawa’s feelings hadn’t changed at all, but he was becoming more depressed without his best friend by his side. 

On the other hand, Iwaizumi seemed to be happy. He had no problems talking to the rest of the team and their classmates. He began talking to a new boy, one Oikawa had never seen before. 

Oikawa still blamed himself for hurting Iwaizumi, even if Iwaizumi was doing better now. He could at least be happy for his former best friend, finding ways to cope and heal that were much healthier than Oikawa’s. 

Oikawa threw his entire being into the team, more so than before. He hardly ever slept, and would sometimes be in the gym practice serving and setting until ten, eleven, twelve at night. It was having negative effects on not only his body but his mind, but he did not stop. He felt that this is what he deserved. 

Truthfully, without Iwaizumi, he was a sad, lonely person. He could hardly function without him, but he could not ask for his forgiveness and ask him to come back. He felt that he did not deserve that. 

But he wanted oh so desperately to tell Iwaizumi that he needed him back in his life. The issue was that he could not find a way to do so. 

He was sailing on nothing more than a leaky old rowboat, while everyone around him had grand ships that would keep them afloat much longer than his unstable scrap of wood. He was trying to patch any leaks he could, to keep him afloat as long as possible, but the blame was growing too heavy. Sooner or later, it’d sink his little boat and he’d go down along with it. 

Matsukawa and Hanamaki knew something was wrong, but Oikawa would not respond when they tried to ask what was up. He couldn’t tell them. In his mind, he deserved only to carry the weight of his feelings by himself. He could not let others get involved. He could not drag them down with him. 

“If brokenness is a form of art, I must be a poster child prodigy,” he hummed to himself, recalling the words from a song he’d heard in passing. He smiled bitterly, for the words resonated within him but he did not want to admit it. 

He wanted badly to tell Iwaizumi how he felt, but he didn’t know how. He knew that he needed to, though, or he’d quickly drown under all his thoughts. 

He caught Iwaizumi after practice one day, and begged to talk to him later.    
  
“Can you come to my place later tonight? I really need to talk to you,” he said. 

“We can talk right here. I’m busy tonight, but I have some time right now.” Iwaizumi tapped his foot, a surefire way to tell that he was annoyed. Oikawa gulped.

“I can’t take this. I can’t take not talking to you and having you around. I’m sorry. Can we still be friends? I don’t know how to function without you. I miss you, Hajime,” Oikawa said. He looked at Iwaizumi the whole time, begging him silently to know that he was being sincere. 

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know if I can do that right now. Not yet. It hurt me a lot, too, but I’m just getting over it and I don’t know if I’m in a good enough state to be around you just yet.”    
  
For the second time, Iwaizumi was walking away from him. And for the second time, he could do nothing to prevent it. 

Crumpling to the ground and choking back a sob, Oikawa cursed the heavens, the earth, the stars, moon, and anything he could think of. But mostly, he cursed himself. He blamed himself for not being able to fix things. 

His little rowboat could no longer take all the pressure. Even with all the patches in it. It broke apart under the weight of all the issues he gathered up, and he broke apart with it. 

He was finally beginning to drown in all of his mistakes, and he couldn’t think of a way to make it stop. 

He supposed that his only option was to let it happen. And so that’s what he did.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry. requested by a friend on tumblr.
> 
> you can reach me through the comments, @ flightless-crow on tumblr, or @ flight.less.crow on instagram.


End file.
